Christ, what was I thinking? Give us something original, they said, so I threw in crappy humour everywhere. Still, it made the few people I showed it to laugh and it was a blast to write what I wanted to for a bit rather than the tried and true crap of most applications. I’d like to think it brought a smile to someone on the receiving end too.
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City/State: Stabcity, Scotland (that’s “Glasgow” to foreigners)
e-mail: therealchaossmurf at gmail dot com (“thereal” is there because I’m hip and definately not because I forgot the password to the one without it)
Phone Number: [redacted] (ask for “Mr. Universe”, do not ask for “Cindy”, “Candy” or “The Mistress”. That’s my other work.)
AIM: ChaosSmurf (Kid’s TV shows had all the best names)
Consoles: I don’t really understand, you mean there’s ways to play games that aren’t on PC? Oh is that what that “Nonbendo SD” I have is for? And that strange bomb-like object my flatmate has is a “Pee Ess Three” you say? Be right back, need to call off the anti-terror unit…
Okay, where were we?
Other work:
StarCraft: Legacy – Content Staff (http://www.sclegacy.com/) – I’ll know more about StarCraft than any other applicant, guaranteed.
Gaming Daily – Staff/Freelance Writer (http://www.gamingdaily.co.uk/)
PC Gamer UK – Freelance Writer/Disc Editor (http://www.pcgamer.com/) – I can also create out-dated software distribution methods/fashionable bin liners!
My Blog – Owner (http://www.orgnetwork.com/chaos/) – URL provided simply for layout concerns, I assume you already know it? … right?
Why the ladies call me “Oh God”:
When it comes to writing I’m a force of nature – fat ass, high power and ridiculous upkeep. I’ll take the scrambled transmissions of half-wit PRs and rework them into Shakespeare-esque masterpieces so full of brilliance your entire userbase will be reduced to little more than mumbling wrecks of semi-humanity. I’ll make full-wit PR’s releases look like missing chapters from the bible and cause rumours of a rapture (Harold Camping may have found my blog, mom’s the word). I can throw together a post that makes The Financial Times seem a bored nine year old’s “when I grow up” story at such a speed you’ll think I got my good friend John “The Doctor” Smith to help out. I’m the indisputable leader of the gang (where the gang consists entirely of individuals who write news posts) and did my time without the aid of a tattoo’d map or doing the warden’s taxes – smaller fansites don’t often have the luxury of an in-place userbase so speed and quality were both of the essence.
I’ve got a gaming mind connected to a gaming body that’s been through all the good and bad of the last ten years and come out unscathed. I’ve shown to you that I can write in ways more varied than the colour of light and assure that I can do anywhere in between the two extremes. I’m funny, knowledgable, able to listen and to talk. I know, vaguely, how to use a god damn semi-colon. I’ve got a voice for radio and a face for it too and know my way around any number of community tools and auxillary applications. Mostly you should hire me so that you don’t end up the old fisherman complaining about the one that got away and so someone else gets the embarassing “what if” mention in the speech I give upon receiving my second Nobel Prize for excellence in games journalism.
What I think of Music Catch:
Music Catch is a superb example of what can be achieved given one excellent idea. There’s nothing complex here – the mouse is used to collect musically-generated shapes – but it’s entertainment at its purest: short and sweet. Linking procedural level design with music isn’t a particularly new concept but has been explored so sparingly (as compared to, say, the FPS genre; which is currently applying to become its own nation) that there is still a massive depth of possible ideas to look into, all of which already have two million years worth of development behind them. Even Duke would raise an eyebrow.
All that remains is to wrap the underlying algorithm in an easy to use UI package and send it off to the ravening horde of users – you and me. Music Catch does it perfectly with quick explanations, obvious icons and a sublime difficulty curve… At least in the example, no promises if your immediate response is to plug in Cannibal Corpse and see where it takes you. It works as both an in-browser or standalone application to create either quick distraction or a long period of entertainment as you work your way through an album.
The subtleties are where the game really shines. Little messages that pop up every time a special block is collected. The secret shape type that guarantees a smile upon first collection and becomes a much saught rarity afterwards. The casual spin of the point dispensing line. The perfect balance between the need for a higher multiplier and the ridiculous penalty of hitting the wrong squares. Whatever it is you get out of music, you’ll get a bonus out of Music Catch.
Four stars.
Article remix:
Just Cause 2 paints pictures with your blood, creates art.
[same image as last time, maybe with some sort of funky filter. I dunno, I'm not an art guy, I just write them thar wordz.]
Avalanche Studios are either in need of some serious help regarding their anger issues or someone their needs a pay raise for this idea. Take all eleven million impact deaths that have occured within Just Cause 2′s massive world, represent each with a white dot and what do you get?
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The above, a slightly haunting vision of the landscape and unique road map of where and where not to attempt a BASE jump. I’m a particular fan of the pure white that is the main tower of the city, clearly a popular location. Twenty points if you can find your own death, bonus ten if it’s unique.
via: RPS
source: youtube
Bethesda on the brink of releasing DLC, letting everyone know how bad you are
[http://static.zenimax.com/bethblog/upload/2011/05/stats_site.jpg]
Bethesda have announced th- sorry, you all saw the pun right? No letter bombs, I’m begging you – that they’re nearing completion of the Brink stats page. As you can likely see above, the main feature is a full interactable map that will allow users to view battles and discern which faction is most likely to gain or retain control of the city that week. XBOX and PS3 players can access it on Tuesday, with PC gamers having to wait until the ever in-flux “very soon” for their version.
There was also talk of the first DLC for Brink, the full details of which can be seen after the jump. It’s scheduled for next month and improves basically every facet of the game you could imagine. DLC gets a lot of hate from the general internet populace, but with this level of maximum overcontent it seems fair. Judge for yourself below.
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*patch notes*
source: Bethesda
Improvements to Joystiq:
Hiring me for all the reasons above and any others that may have come to your mind since you read that.
To expand on the idea of regular slots, as you obviously do have some: a “round up of interesting but minor stories” means stuff that wasn’t posted on Joystiq or any sister-sites during the week. Obviously there’s likely to be a lot of these, so it’ll be someone’s job (i.e. mine) to keep watch over the week for things and start preparing the day before. Obviously this idea is not particularly original and has been shared among game sites more often than that one kid’s copy of Final Fantasy VII during primary, but given the more laid back reporting style of the website it would be easy to produce something special.
I really think further community integration is a way to go. There’s a decent job of it being done so far but Joystiq seems to be in the magical spot of having a wide internet readership that isn’t entirely composed of complete retards, fanboys or caps specialists. There’s a lot of room for user generated content, competitions, etc.
(Note: it may show that I’m new to Joystiq. It frankly was never on my radar until the jobs came up. Given the wording in those application requests themselves, it seems as if this will not count against me.)
Game of 2010:
Bulletstorm was just fucking incredible. So good, in fact, that it went back in time and reinserted intself into the timeline so that I could talk about it here. From its off the cuff dialogue to ridiculous set pieces, it was a masterclass of destruction, hilarity and design. If you are a fan of rationality, causality and reality then may I proffer Mass Effect 2 as (another) game of 2010. Nobody, and I continue to believe this, can tell a story like Bioware. Some have called it simplified, I prefer streamlined – it was easier to play, easier to understand and easier to enjoy. The dialogue is completely unmatched, the characters nearly as good (beaten, perhaps only, by the original) and the gameplay slick. It is testament to my enjoyment that every piece of DLC has been a joy and well worth an actual purchase.